My coworker asked me “Are you losing weight?”. Of course the answer is yes. I have completely lost my appetite; whether it’s side effects of the medicine, or just my brain being weird, I don’t know. I just don’t eat. I am nauseous more times than not.
But for some reason I didn’t want to admit that to my coworker. So I stumbled out some words; something along the lines of “Yeah, side effects, medicines… you know” and made a joke about me needing a belt sometime soon.
My pants sort of hang off my hips as it is and I can get them on and off without the need of their zipper. A few months earlier they were so tight I was considering getting a size up. So my coworker says “I need to get me some of those pills”. But if she knew any of what I have been going through in the past year, maybe she wouldn’t have said that.
Along with that weight loss comes at least 2 other chronic illnesses, which cause constant pain, among a long list of other symptoms.
Along with that weight loss comes a massive list of side effects, including, but not limited to: dry mouth, loss of appetite, nausea, and weight loss.
I couldn’t eat more even if I wanted to.
I have lost 4 pounds in 6 days without trying. I feel dizzy, I don’t have enough energy; and somehow I am not as upset as I should be. Because my sense of self image is so warped that I feel like I SHOULD be skinnier. That I’ll be more attractive at a size 2. I’ve gone from 144 pounds at the beginning of the summer to 125 as of last week.
My illness is visible, if you know where to look.