Not just mad, but FURIOUS. I haven’t been this mad in a long time. And I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing keeping me going at this point, BECAUSE I’M TOO NAUSEOUS FROM WITHDRAWS TO EAT.
One week ago Monday, I had a cardiologist appointment. I show up for my appointment. And the lady at the desk tells me that I AM IN THE WRONG LOCATION. That my appointment is scheduled for the location 45minutes away. So I’m PISSED. Because when I called this location to make my appointment, WHY would you schedule my appointment for a different location, and not inform me?? So I drove there for nothing. And to make it even better, all my doctors are 4 hours away from me. I drove 8 HOURS for nothing. So I reschedule.
So I’m at work Tuesday, and everyone asks me how my appointment went. So I say “IT DIDN’T” and explain. Which prompts my coworker to ask me:
“Have you tried hanging eucalyptus leaves in your shower?”
I wonder how she expected me to respond to that. Here’s a fun list of everything wrong with that:
- I did not ask for her non-existant medical advice.
- HOW is that going to help my neurological disease?!
- I CANNOT EVEN STAND IN THE SHOWER TO STEAM THEM
But I don’t blame her and I don’t say anything rude. I just try to explain to her that I don’t think that will work for me.
But this one’s even better. It’s still the same day and I’m in the break room, trying to eat my lunch in peace. A different coworker comes in and starts asking about my lunch. And on this day I’ve got vegetable soup. And somewhere in the conversation she says:
“You don’t need to eat healthy, but I do.”
Which caught me WAY off guard; more than my first coworker’s comment. Who is she to tell me that I don’t need to eat healthy?? She knows NOTHING about my illnesses. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I DO need to eat healthy!! Fried foods, sweets, junk food, etc. MAKES ME SICK. So of fucking course I NEED to eat healthy, unless I want to make myself sick and have a horrible time.
She is judging me on how I look. I am thin, even my cardiologist gave me shit yesterday for being thin/not eating. And she is not so thin and wants to lose weight and is always watching what she eats. But that’s not my problem? And it’s really none of her business what I eat or how much I weigh.
I swear, one more thing, no matter how small it is, and I’m going to FLIP. And I’m withdrawing off shitty Effexor so I’m not sure how well I’ve typed this up, since my brain is flying through space right now. Probably going to edit this at some point when my brain returns from it’s journey.