Feeling Defeated

Today I am feeling very defeated. I don’t know what I am doing with my life…

I have been wanting to change jobs for a long time now. And this last week, I made a $2,000 mistake at work, which causes me to think maybe I cannot do this job anymore. I did everything in my power that I could, checked and double checked all the money but still made this mistake. Because my shitty brain told me I was looking at $2,000 when it was really $4,000. And I know this. I am smart!! But my brain told me everything was correct when it really wasn’t.

My job now has nothing to do with what my degree is for. It’s just a paycheck to me. I want a career! Something that I am passionate about and went to school for.

But… I am sick. I can only work part time. And my brain does shitty things to me like tell me wrong info all the time. I have trouble speaking to people.. what makes me think I could do a good job interview and then learn a whole new job??

I want to do more. I want make money, to own a business, to travel, to buy a house! But these things just seem like far away fantasies. And I am getting older.. And I’m not getting any healthier.

For now I think I will just scrape by on my little part time money.

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