Some Sort of Hope?


For the first time in a long time, I am feeling somewhat hopeful. Although I am also afraid this was some sort of fluke.

Thursday June 23rd 2016, something changed. I was scheduled for my 2nd consecutive round of Botox injections, as well as trying an occipital nerve block for the first time. I was nervous. I sat in the waiting room, worried about passing out or something horrible happening. My last session went fine, no dizziness or anything, so there was no real reason to worry this time.

As I laid face down on the table, counting fours as I breathed in and out, a few things happened. (1) I realized that having a needle poked into an already sore nerve in the back of your head HURTS and (2) Maybe it wasn’t so unreasonable for me to be concerned about dizziness earlier. A total of 35 needles later, and I’m sat upright on the edge of the table when the nurse practitioner asks me to rate my pain on a scale of 0 to 10. And I can’t do it.

I cannot locate any pain.

Of course, I’m dizzy and I feel numb and tingly and like there is a bunch of pressure in my head and I cannot think straight, but I cannot locate my pain. I walk out of the building, thinking that I really should have brought someone with me because I cannot walk in a straight line to save my life because of how dizzy I am. I get to the parking lot when it finally hits me.

They did it!!!

All the YEARS of pain, doctors appointments, hospital visits, and crying in the ER and Urgent Care and I am finally here. They have found the problem. I didn’t think I was capable of it, but I began to cry tears of joy. And they won’t stop! I cry the whole drive home.

It lasts for about 4 hours before another migraine hits me. Throbbing, intense pain in the front of my forehead and behind my eyes. But I am still happy. Something happened. I am not sure what yet. And now I have a bunch of new questions for my appointment next month.

Are these nerves really the problem? Is it a combination of things? Do I need to still be on this medication? What does this mean for the future of my treatment?

I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. But I haven’t had hope in a very very long time. And I don’t know what to do with myself.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s