I love playing video games.
Or actually, I used to.
It has become just one of those things that I cannot do as easily with my illness. In the past few years, I haven’t been able to play as much. It’s actually physically painful for me to play them now. The flashing lights and sudden transitions from dark to light can cause a sharp twinge of pain directly behind my eyes. It’s really similar to the pain I get when stepping out into the sunlight without closing my eyes.
And then there’s the other type of pain I feel. What do you call it, emotional pain? Where I have to watch myself play this game, and be horrible at it. I cannot aim or shoot. I waste ammunition I am too slow at reading the text during cutscenes or tutorials to even understand how to play. The motion looks blurry and laggy to me.
And it’s painful because I used to be so good at this! I would sit for hours, completely immersed in the story. Video games were just one of the ways I could escape for a little while. Now I can’t even get into the story enough. I’m always frustrated that I cannot see, aim, or follow directions to save my life (or in this case, the life of my character lmao)!
I’m having trouble concentrating on even writing all this and hoping it makes sense. I am just really frustrated. But I’m still trying!