That Feeling

Lately I’ve been having¬†that feeling.

The one where you just want to stop taking all your medications and just suffer.

To punish your own body for punishing you for so long.

Lately I’ve been giving that feeling serious thought. Because of side effects.

Side effects that my doctor has “never heard of before” and that “shouldn’t be happening because of this medication”. Nevertheless, I’m experiencing them. And every time I stop the medication, these side effects go away. It’s at the point where I would rather have high blood pressure than suffer through this side effect.

I do want to lessen the amount of medication I take daily. Although taking medication makes me feel like my conditions are more “real” and it’s not just all in my head as I’ve been told for years.

30 Days of Heart Monitor

This morning I finally set up my heart monitor. I received it Saturday but I put it off until now. I was enjoying my last little bits of freedom I guess. img_5293

I’m stuck with this thing for 30 days. I am scared of these little sticky things getting caught on clothes or ruining my skin underneath it.

Related to this, I have a blood pressure medication now. Because I have high blood pressure. And probably have since last year around this time when I saw that really shitty cardiologist. Thanks for nothing, guy! My new one is here at Johns Hopkins this time. And believes me!

Hopefully these 30 days will pass by quickly and I won’t have too much trouble with this thing. And also that there’s nothing wrong with my heart! The other night I’ve decided I want to live long enough to go to space. I want to be a space grandma. So my heart better act right so I can make this dream come true.